Hearts at Home Wksp 1: The Leman-ator March 31, 2009

For anyone who has ever seen Dr. Kevin Leman speak, you can back me up here… he is absolutely hysterical! Although I didn’t feel like I learned a whole lot (more on that later), there was no point in his session that I felt bored.

Dr. Leman’s workshop focused on birth order. In the past, I was in a small group that did a Dr. Leman (or “Lemie” as his wife calls him) study, and he spent some time discussing birth order. So, other than recognizing (again) what my husband and I are, I didn’t really learn much new from this session. As for my refresher, here’s what I was reminded of:

1. Although I am technically the second born child in my family, as the first girl, I function as a first born. That means I’m the “Type A” personality, all about getting things done and saving the world – right now, one dirty diaper at a time!

2. Justin functions totally as a “middle” complete with high school rebellion, seeking acceptance outside of the family, and focusing on friends.

It will be interesting to see how my boys function… depending on when we have the next kid, Keaton will likely function as a middle (I can’t imagine this kid as a rebel – we are so in trouble!) However, if we wait long enough, he could actually function as a “baby” of the first family… Anyway, one of the things I learned is that birth order is a way of looking at and learning about someone, but it isn’t necessarily an absolute science.

A few other nuggets of wisdom I took from Lemie:

• I have a tendency to be a “Critical Eye” parent – which means my perfectionism sometimes sends the message to my kids that what they are doing is not good enough. According to Dr. Lemie, fixing this is “not easy, but it’s simple.” It’s definitely something I’m willing to work on.
• Sometimes, joy comes from “getting behind your husband’s eyes and seeing things the way he sees things.” I really liked that idea.
• An unhappy child can be a healthy child. Our goal is not to make our children’s existences “fun,” but to build their character into good people who love Jesus and trust in His leading in their lives.

I think Dr. Lemie and I have similar parenting styles… I tend to be no-nonsense, up-front kind of parent. Sometimes, I think the sympathy/empathy that was allotted to me was all given to someone else instead, but I do work really hard to put myself in someone else’s shoes. And thanks to Dr. Leman, I’ll also be working hard to overcome my “critical eye” parenting and accept my wonderful, rambunctious boys the way they are, no matter what their birth order!

Hearts at Home Conference March 15, 2009

This weekend, I had the first opportunity to be away from my boys for a whole night. Although they’ve stayed the night at Grandma’s before, this was the first time I was actually away from home. Lest you think I’m a sentimental type… IT WAS AWESOME!!! I mean, I was happy to get home to my boys, but I loved my night away, refreshing and renewing my perspective with about 5,000 other ladies at the Hearts at Home conference. This year’s conference theme was “Real Moms: Real Lives, Real Stories.”

Hearts at Home is an organization dedicated to helping moms in the “profession” of mothering. Their goal is to provide encouragement, support, and information for moms across the country, and they’ve recently expanded to include an international Hearts at Home group as well. Twice a year, they offer identical conferences (one in the Spring and then the same one in the Fall) that speak to every mother’s heart. We chose to head to Normal/Bloomington, IL for the Friday night Mom’s Night Out and Saturday conference.

At the conference, we had the opportunity to listen to the Go Fish Guys (they are awesome!), Dr. Kevin Leman (who is hysterically funny & informative), Sally Bauke (who is absolutely hilarious!), and Hearts at Home founder Jill Savage. Since this was a conference full of  mothers, there were of course a number of tears, very little sleep, and lots of talk about what we can do to become better moms. We were all able to choose our top 10 workshop options, and we had 4 time slots (aside from the key note speakers) when we were able to attend a variety of fantastic choices. Right now, my children are now longing for, well, a drink, but I promise to talk more about what I learned later…

Mom or referee?? March 12, 2009

As Keaton gets older (and louder, I swear) there really are days when I feel like nothing more than a referee. Hayden is so ridiculously legalistic that he will tell me when Keaton does something wrong to the letter of the law. For instance, if Keaton takes a movie out of the case (and immediately puts it back in) I hear about it. I go back and forth between gratitude for a watchful brother, joy at watching a son who is so eerily like me (that’s Hayden for those of you who don’t know me!), and frustration at being reminded 18 times per hour of each misstep Keaton has (or I have for that matter – Hayden tells me on an every time basis that we drive a van, mommy, not a car!)

And that’s to say nothing of Keaton. I was recently telling a friend (who has 3 girls) about a day in the life with Keaton, and he was cracking up at the myriad number of things Keaton can get into in a daily basis. Let’s just give a few examples from today: took a game out of the case, rubbed it around on the rug, put it in the Wii, tried to put it into the VCR (not good), before I took it away from him; left the nursery at church and was all the way up the stairs before I even realized he was gone; followed Hayden to the bathroom and stood flushing the urinal and playing in the water while Hayden took care of business; took Hayden’s cup of water, filled it up at the water fountain, and “drank” (i.e. spilled) the entire thing all over his shirt; wrote on his hands and face with blue marker (luckily washable); kicked Hayden’s basket of play food off of the couch; fell face-first into the wall while trying to ride the sit & spin… I really could go on and on.

So, in these moments when I’m feeling like I really break up more fights than watch tender moments, I’m trying to remind myself about what I read in _She’s Gonna Blow_ this week… In the Bible, children are never referred to as a burden. They might stretch us, test us, try our patience, and there is definitely nothing easy about them. But over and over again, God reminds us that children are a blessing… despite the fact that I feel like I should invest in a whistle!

Friday Night Volleyball February 7, 2009

Every Friday night, Justin and I are in charge of setting up the nets for volleyball at church. Ok, so recently I’ve been lugging the poles by myself since Justin has to work until 6, but I think that’s the reason my arms are so ripped. Riiiiight.

With anything, I have a hard time turning off my competitive drive, so I struggle to turn off my frustration and turn on my “out-reach” mode when I’m playing a sport… any new person who has come to Friday night volleyball would probably agree. Last night was an especially fun night of volleyball, so this morning I was thinking about what it is I like about playing volleyball.

- I like the precision aspect of volleyball. I’m always saying, “Placement before power.” I really find it fun to try to place my serve where I want it to go.

- I like the team aspect of volleyball. Unlike basketball, where you can take off on your own dribbling, you really can’t get very far in volleyball without a team. Pass, set, spike requires at least 2 people!

- I like feeling tall. I admit, I’ve always wanted to be tall, and I’ve realized through playing volleyball that I’m taller than I think. I mean, I can actually clear the net when I go up to block! And occasionally – when I time it right – I even get a block down!

- I like competition. I’ve already touched on this, but when I’m playing with a good group of players, it’s so fun (not to mention, I get more exercise out of the deal)!

- I like the way that volleyball requires constant alertness and court presence. I always have to be paying attention to the angles. I’ve learned to watch a player’s arm to see which way they are going to hit the ball. I’ve also learned to pay attention to where I am on the court so that I can let a ball go if it’s going to be out or dive like crazy if it’s going to hang in.

I’m so looking forward to our first game in the Spring league this weekend. Volleyball, here I come! Here’s a pic of our most recent team… a.k.a. league & tournament champions St. James Veterinary Medical Center!

Story Time Spells Disaster February 3, 2009

You know how sometimes as a parent you build things up in your mind? Ok, so I do this every day, although I try not to. But today, I was really looking forward to taking the boys to story time. We haven’t made it very often due to other meetings, jobs, Keaton’s naps, etc. But today would be different. Well, the best that I can say is that we made it… with the following disasters along the way:

- Hayden fell on the icy driveway on the way to the car, although he shook it off pretty effectively.

- On the way to the library, Hayden announced in his whiniest voice, “I’m hungry!” Too late…

- At story time, Hayden refused to face the story time lady and through the first 2 books said constantly, “I want to go someplace else.”

- Keaton sat still for the first 2 books (praise Jesus!) but then found hiding behind the floor-to-ceiling curtain to be much more entertaining (followed by “no-no” from Mommy 13 times).

- Hayden sat through the third book (while I continually chased Keaton out of said curtain), but then noticed a craft on the table. The 4th (and final) book was filled with insistent “I want to do THAT now!” and wild pointing toward the craft table.

- After the 4th book, we watched an episode of Popeye. Are you serious??? Who watches movies at story time?? So disappointing…

- The craft went without a hitch for the most part – stick glue is easy to maneuver – although there weren’t enough crafts for Keaton to have one. So, we have one version of the groundhog seeing his shadow – I don’t even want to talk about 6 more weeks of winter (& outrageous utility bills!)

- After the craft, I suggested we go pick some books before going home. Hayden had an absolute meltdown, screaming over and over again, “I don’t want to go home!” He was actually kicking his legs & throwing a tantrum – one of his first only in public. I was mortified. He was placated only when promised that he could pick out a movie as well.

- With movie in hand (as well as 5 books), we started to the van… on the way to the van, Hayden was running, bumped into me, fell down on the sidewalk, and scraped up his hands. Seriously??? Could this simple story hour have been any more of a disaster???

I think we may just have our own story time at home from now on. Is there value in requiring your small children to sit through someone else reading a story if you promise to do so at home? Will my children be wholly unready for school because I have not required them to sit still and listen to a story they didn’t pick for more than 5 minutes? School readiness… now that’s a topic for another day. Right now, I’m off to read a good book… at least something good came from story time…

Queen Esther’s Purpose: A Girly Introspection January 29, 2009

Ok, so I know it’s been 4 months since my last post. I’ve decided that I kept waiting for monumental events to post (like my original post), and that’s just not realistic. So, my goal is to post at least once a week about “normal” happenings in our house (although anyone with kids knows that there’s no such thing as normal!).

I am a person who is always looking for God’s purpose in whatever I am doing. I don’t ask “why” in order to question God’s direction in my life. Instead, I ask “why” in order to understand what I am supposed to be learning from what is happening to me and those around me. I know that God has a purpose for each and every one of us, as he promises in Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

In my quiet time (which I’ve been neglecting in recent months), I’ve just started reading the book of Esther. I felt led to read about a prominent woman of God, in hopes of picking up a few pointers. J Today, I found a verse that I felt directly relates to the idea of finding God’s purpose for whatever stage of life you are in.

 

Mordecai, Esther’s uncle, is asking her to go before the king (her hubby) in order to plead for the lives of her people, the Jews. Knowing that she could be killed for entering the king’s presence without being summoned, Queen Esther hesitates. Mordecai gives her a good old-fashioned pep talk about how her family may perish if she doesn’t help, but he finishes up his remarks with this sentence: “And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?”

 

I believe that God has put each of us in situations that have a purpose, although it may sometimes be difficult to find the “why.” I’m not sure why you’re here today, but I have no doubt that God has brought you here for a specific purpose. I would encourage you to find it…

Tater Tots & Temper Tantrums September 29, 2008

Anyone that has watched Keaton eat knows that he is without question a bottomless pit. This week, he was introduced to tater tots for the first time, and I think he’s in love. Of course, he’s in love with any food pretty much, but this was one of the first things that he ate LOTS of without licking the ketchup off 3-4 times first. On the other hand, Hayden will eat anything dipped in ketchup almost immediately – from pineapple, peaches, and rice, to green beans, bread, and salad – if it’s dipped in ketchup (& he eats it normally) he’ll eat a boatload of it.

However, Hayden has never (I swear, never) thrown the kind of temper tantrums that Keaton has recently developed. If he doesn’t get what he wants (Wii controller, cookie) or is forced into something he doesn’t want (bedtime, diaper change), he either bursts into a long, loud wail (which is annoying enough) or if you try to actually hold him, he arches his back and completely flails himself down. I don’t know how many times his head has bonked the ground in an attempt to lay him down to sleep or to change a diaper.

The positive side to this is that Keaton is starting to stand up to Hayden when Hayden takes toys away from him (which is also becoming more frequent)… or at least scream loudly and let himself be heard. Hayden’s favorite phrase these days is, “Let’s trade, Keaton.” This is usually followed by Hayden picking up whatever toy is nearest, handing it to Keaton, and taking whatever toy Keaton was already playing with. These not-so-even trades have sparked discussions about how Keaton needs to agree in order to trade. Of course, I can’t watch them every moment, but I do think it’s important to let them “work it out” sometimes… and give them the basic guidelines they need to do that fairly.

Welcome to the World of Boys September 8, 2008

I signed up and got this blog up and running a week or so ago, but I haven’t felt as though I’ve had true inspiration to add a post… I thought in light of this morning’s events, I might go ahead and announce to the world (in case you didn’t already know) that raising boys is NOT easy!!!

Of all the ways someone has woken me up, I must say someone pounding on your door is never a pleasant way to wake up. (Mom woke us up this way at 2 a.m. last New Year’s b/c Hayden refused to spend the night at her house). As Justin and I ran down the stairs at 5:31 a.m., my first thought was, “Our house is on fire and they’re trying to get us out.” Isn’t it funny what goes through your head?

Then, I rounded the corner to the laundry room and saw 2 policemen with flashlights standing on our deck. I still wasn’t thinking that this had anyting to do with us until they asked, “Do you all have a little blond boy?” I can now say that I understand the phrase, “my heart leapt into my throat!” Hayden was standing around the corner (with blankie in hand, of course), but every worst case scenario went fleeting through my head in the 2-3 seconds it took for me to see him and sweep him up. I swear, I’m never watching television again!

Okay, so we all know that’s not true, but it was one of those defining moments as a parent when there is no thought of scolding. I was just happy that my crazy, literal, stubborn, night-wandering child was safe with me again, no matter what it took to get him there. According to the officers, someone saw him walking on Jefferson St./Hwy 68 about a block or so from our house and called the police. So, they took our names, b-days, and social security numbers, and let us know that DFS would probably be contacting us.

According to Hayden, the following paraphrase is what occurred: “I thought Mommy and Daddy went bye bye, so I turned the lock and walk to the street to find you. And I was crying, but someone found me and the policemen came. There were 2 flashlights: one big flashlight and one little flashlight. And then they bring me home so I can find you.” Of course, this is after a number of questions (completely open-ended so that I didn’t lead him into any answers). I was particularly fond of the description of the different sizes of the flashlights.

I find myself pondering two completely different sides of this issue now: one side is the “reaction,” which requires that we do something to “secure the door” (as the policeman said) so that Hayden can’t leave the house in the middle of the night again. There’s the chance that he’ll never even consider going outside in the middle of the night again, but because we can’t take that chance, we have to react to the potential danger that Hayden’s active imagination has apparently become.

The other side of my thinking reflects on the blessings that came from this. I am enormously thankful, praising God that Hayden is unhurt – that he wasn’t hit by a car, snatched by a kidnapper, or far enough away that they couldn’t figure out where he lived immediately. As a few friends have pointed out, it would have been worse to find his little bed empty in the morning than to wake to the police at our door.

As a parent, I’m constantly reminded – especially today – that so much of what happens to our kids is in God’s hands. We can only control so much of our environments, and then we just have to “pray without ceasing” and trust that God will take care of them the rest of the way. While part of me would have liked to spend the morning crying (instead I just welled occasionally) and clinging to my little boy (instead, I just hugged him every 20 minutes), that doesn’t show much faith in God’s greater plan for our lives. Although I can’t see the plan right now, I’m just thanking God for his mercy and asking Him to help me find the good in all of this, whatever it is!

There’s no question that being a mother of 2 boys keeps me on my toes!